The search for ‘self knowledge’ has been presented to me as an isolated and self-contained* one in the past. Both of these aspects are ultimately false, since both the isolation and self-containment of any entity (person, plant, road, etc.) are, after a certain amount of existence in time and space, wholly impossible. What is not impossible are the feelings, especially of isolation during that process of existence. Another trait that is possible, and i argue much more wholesome than attempts at isolation or self-containment for the purpose of ‘self knowledge’, is solitude. Solitude understood and embodied as a process of deep connection with the environment around ‘one’s own body’ through a clear and loving focus on learning more about the aspects of said environment present in ‘one’s own body’. Solitude is not isolation or self-containment. While solitude, isolation and self-containment are all modes of connection that contain elements of distancing one’s body from others, solitude differs from the latter two by not taking that process of distancing (and it’s illusory result of ‘independence’) as it’s ultimate raison d’être, but rather as a distinct technique to intensify one’s ability to connect with one’s environment from a position more well suited to one’s body.
This position is not universally applicable. Solitude is not a one-all approach to ‘self knowledge’ and connection with one’s environment. Specific bodies in specific times, places, and webs of (power) relationships might benefit from solitude as the process i have described/defined it as above. Other bodies in the same-different positions will not benefit or even find a pursuit of solitude to have negative effect on their well-being. This fact is given and ambivalent. Solitude is a social technology, and like other technologies the question of whether the process of it’s use (i.e. it’s existence) will be considered wholesome or not cannot be answered without considering which specific body (/bodies) are/will be using it.
i think my body is one that might benefit from a (renewed) pursuit of solitude. In the less recent past, i not only thought this but knew-felt it directly from my experiences of solitude in reality. In the more recent past i have not felt the wholesome effects of solitude in times where i find mybody** distanced from others. These times have felt more like isolation than the solitude i knew-felt before. i feel much less open and much more self-absorbed when alone in the present, which i feel to be embodied aspects of isolation. But i don’t really know how to pivot, how to get out, how to move somewhere else. To have a better intimation*** i would need to know more clearly how i got to the state(s) i’m in now. i’m working on that.
** mybody instead of ‘myself’
*** see ‘mian definition of to intimate’