i still genuinely believe in doing my best for my connected self. The even bigger difficulty than ‘actually’ doing it is is finding out what my best is/could be. Finding enough audacity to (relatively) solidify my possibilities for a timeframe and then actualizing them. Making choices on my paths, basically. i have yet to find a more difficult activity. Even studying for 8 to 10 hours a day in the winter of 21/22 was easier. Even though i can’t say that i ‘managed’, because it did end in a break-down and was only possible because of my isolating and simple environment. That break-down has passed and i would rather not reach that point again, and perhaps more importantly: my environment is not the same as it was then. Which is hardly a surprise, and i wouldn’t want it to be like that again in any case. But none of those things make dealing with the current decisions much easier. For as much as i think and talk about fragmentation, i’m not all that good at effectively implementing it in my life, ironic. Then again not really, since efficacy is often much more difficult to achieve than initial conceptualization.