still moving. feeling very slow. i would need time to recover. if i had it. i should take it. i know this. but i’m not strong enough to make that decision right now. (ironically) going on working myself to my mental and emotional limits feels easier than changing course as of now. i need a change of self-culture. i need less pressure. i’m not fully sure if i’m really going too far. or if i will break if i keep going this way. and that uncertainty is keeping me on this track. possibly for worse. i have a bad gut feeling. but an even worse one when i think about stopping. it’s spreading to my arms. my hands. this isn’t good. two more weeks. just survive. keep moving. and pivot when the closer deadlines are past. that’s the plan. we’ll see about it.