Can't move 'physically'. Moving too much 'emotionally'. Meine 'emotionale' und 'physische' Trägheit falten sich gerade metaphysich aufeinander. It's 3 a.m. Why can't i cry? Close your eyes instead. Hide away and listen to your music. Sink into that which makes you possible and which holds you (back) at the same time: your emotion-imbued thoughts. Dread of what you are right now and what it feels like you'll always be. i'm scared of myself currently. i dread myself in fear. Void fucking bless this is only one possiblity of my existences, because if it were the only one i don't know how long i'd manage. Fuck this emotional-overthinker. i know i don't ultimately, but right now, in this moment, i want them gone. i want to become something else. Just not this over and over again. Help.

Close your eyes again. Listen. Change the music. '"We're going to hell, i'll see you there". Leave. Go somewhere else. Go to sleep. They're gone i think. i'm pretty sure they'll be back. you don't know how much you can control that. Maybe the best you can do for now if prepare as well as possible for the next time. Go to sleep. Sleep well.