i’m tired once again. tired of tensions. tired from tensions. mainly from. waiting. feeling like too much. feeling inopportune. feeling alone. feeling less important. feeling and thinking in cycles. i’ve been here before. many times. right now, i desire solace. but not through disconnection. i desire connection too much for that. and that’s a/the dilemma. perche sembra di succedere sempre così? i know it’s not just me. that m(y) Umstände play intense roles. but they’re so much harder to grasp. to feel. it’s much easier to blame myself. i don’t want to, but i feel parts of m(e) will do it regardless of how much i don’t want to. blame myself for wanting too much. for being too needy. for not being able to let go. for constantly overthinking and introducing unnecessary weight into all m(y) more intense relationships. fuck it. as if i’m going to change any of that without loving myself.