Slowing down continuously takes a lot of energy. Making it a habit to pause, even for just a couple minutes, multiple times a day is a strenuous endeavor for m(y) body at this point in time. One issue i have is confusion: what am i pausing for exactly? Am i pausing to be able to organize my thoughts and do what i planned to do without getting distracted? Am i pausing just to pause, just to meditate? How much do i really want the former to work? Is a mixture of both possible? The incessant “whys”, the need for reasons and rationalizations is exhausting at times. Slowing down m(y) thoughts doesn’t take a lot of energy just because of inertia. It’s also so difficult because the speed of m(y) thoughts and their often times sprawling paths are key parts of m(e) the philosopher, it’s been how i generate fragments of m(y) philosophies for a while now. And slowing down feels antithetical to this extremely important part of m(y) becoming. Even though i know it isn’t / doesn’t have to be. And i recognize the need to slow down to not be smothered by the constant conflict between spending m(y) time developing philosophies and ‘external’ requirements of “productivity”. Change is hard.