i feel - somewhat surprisingly - insecure in myself. i feel like i’m living on a more unstable foundation than before. When did this happen? How did this happen? Where do i go from here? Going back to how it was before is impossible and undesirable. i desire to be(come) where i am, but in different directions than ones i’m feeling myself being pulled / moving in. i am now much more embedded in relationships than i was before, but i don’t think i fully comprehend all the implications of this new state of affairs yet. One important aspect i’m unsure-insecure about is how i wish to communicate from the new positions i find myself in. Intimately entwined with this insecurity is the insecurity of what i want to communicate at all. The insecurity of what i think-feel about the new positions in the first, second, third, etc. place. i know i’ll never fully know any of this. All knowledge in this realm is always relative and that won’t change unless relationships somehow someday stop being indeterminate, open-ended processes (so never). But there are differences in relative positions. i’m looking for less insecure positions. Ways of becoming in my current states that make me feel less unsure, but much more than that, that make me feel less like i’m fettering my relationships (including with myself). The fact that i’m insecure about certain things is not the problem, on the contrary it would be much more of a problem if i wasn’t insecure about anything. It’s the specific things i’m insecure about, combined with the specific ways i’m insecure about them that are irritating parts of me. Other parts are fine and/or ambivalent.