The amount of patience required to deal with other people, most of all myself. The amount of silence required to endure to sustain relationships with specific others, most of all myself. The amount of overthinking to ignore. The lack of control. The absence of information. The conclusions not able/wanting to get to. Perché sembra di succedere sempre così? Perché non può essere diverso? i don’t feel valued. but i know i am. aber die Ebenen sind anders. this isn’t the first time. this is the fifth (or sixth depending on definition). at a certain point i feel like it has to be m(e) to change something. to reduce the amount. of time and energy. of patience. but that’s even harder than waiting. go back to 2023. you’ll see the version of m(e) i’m currently struggling with in very concentrated form. that m(e) was patient to a fault. dedicated and deluded. i have definitely changed since then. the timespans have shortened. needs and the knowledge of them have developed. the communication has improved. even the overthinking has reduced. but as of now, the results seem/feel to be the same: Silence. Lack of information. Not feeling seen or thought about. Patience required. Most of all with myself.